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July 8, 2013 / Dale Melchin

Cognitive Tools and Meditation: THEY WORK!

The biggest challenge most of us internet marketers face is the balance between maintaining a good image and being authentic.  Pat Flynn discusses this extensively at  Although he and I are in two different niches, the problem is still the same for us both, although outcomes are generally different.

On 7/5/2013 I avoided a clash with my wife.

Now keep in mind, that when she and I do fight, we generally talk it out like adults.

It wasn’t even that big of a deal.  But I was worried that it was going to be one.  I was tired and I didn’t want to talk about what I thought we were going to be talking about.

I’m not going to rehearse the would be/non-existent event.  But I will tell you how I handled it effectively.

It started with awfulizing.  I thought “Oh no, she’s going to bug me about this or that when I get home.”  Now the problem wasn’t her.  She never nags and when she reminds me about something she’s actually really sweet about it.  Its generally my reaction to things that set things off.  In this case I was starting to awfulize her and myself, which is a two edge sword that should constantly be evaded.

But then I started to think more rationally about it.  “We don’t have to talk about this now.”  We are both tired, she’ll understand.

I got in the door, anticipated the conflict and defused it before it even started.

We ended up having a quiet evening at home.

The method I used was the REBT Tool.  Basically it involves challenging irrational beliefs around a person, place or thing.  Coming up with rational beliefs, pulling out the distorted beliefs and ruminating on the rational ones and creating a new outcome.


That combined with my practice of the Taoist Meditation: Inner Smile.  I’ve been able to create a new foundation for handling problems and creating more emotional resources than I had before.

GK Chesterton once said: “The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.”

Now I am going to be a little incendiary and say this applies to virtually any Ancient Tradition and it even applies to Modern Psychology and the process of life change.

Previously, for me Christianity, Martial Arts, and even changing my belief system have been found difficult.  And yes, there have been times of “left untried”  But some how, some way I become dissatisfied and start trying again.

And that is the key to break through.  Trying again and failing until you succeed.  The key is not to minimize failures, it is to fail rapidly until you succeed.

So I challenge anyone within the sound of my voice who has said “I’ve tried that, it didn’t work.”  Get up and try it again.  It will work.


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