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February 12, 2013 / Dale Melchin

How to get and keep the girl (or guy) Part 1: Being

So many our endeavors in life depend upon our being, on who we are.  Success or failure in relationships romantic and otherwise comes down to character.  You can some everything I am going to say in this post with the following sentence.  “Be the person you want to attract.”  The meaning of this is simple.  If you want your mate to have certain qualities, whether it is physique, intelligence, a kind, considerate disposition, hard working, whatever, you must first possess those qualities.  That list isn’t exhaustive, but if you want any trait in your prospective mate you must first possess it.  The reason being, you run with those that you are most like and in all likelihood unless you are hunting on a dating site, you are probably going to find a prospective mate from the circles you run in.

Now, I’ve spoken in other places about what it takes to develop character traits.  You do it through meditative practice, and being vigorously pro-active in developing those qualities by cultivating new habits and using process.  It takes a large commitment to personal self-improvement.  Regardless of your spiritual beliefs cultivating proper being and by extension attracting the mate you want is at its core a spiritual exercise.

Here are some examples.  You want someone who is responsible.  The question you ask yourself is this, am I responsible?  Now most of you who are reading this are going to be responsible people, don’t get me wrong, but there is always room for improvement.  Are you responsible in every area of your life?  Or are you at least cultivating responsibility across all of your life areas.

You want someone who is physically attractive?  Well, how are you taking care of yourself?  Do you utilize a gym membership and go regularly?

Do you want someone who is committed to family?  What is your relationship with your current family like?

You want someone who is nice?  Or with a backbone? Or who is courageous?  Do you have a kind disposition?  Do you possess a back bone?  Do you have courage?

You get the idea.

I know this sounds simplistic, but it is a rule that operates through the universe, and it is one that so many of us break ourselves on an cause ourselves and would be suitors unneeded pain by our lack of foresight.

The great thing is this.  We can affect our character, we can change who we are into the best version of ourselves that we possibly can be and can then find the right person.  We don’t have to be stuck in the continuous cycle of crash and burn relationships.  We can be proactive and get control of this area of our lives, we just have to have the commitment to continuous improvement, and the character to be able to do the work in relationships.


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