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February 4, 2013 / Dale Melchin

Resilience: You are stronger than you think

Have you ever gone through a setback or a failure that you never thought you would recover from?  Maybe you are going through that right now.  And if you are, I wish to encourage you, if you are determined, you will come back, and possibly stronger than ever.

I went through a situation like this within the last two years, and I still am dealing with it on a certain level.  The death of my father, Tom Melchin.

My dad embodied a lot of the things that I couldn’t stand.  He was overbearing and inconsiderate and many other things.  I think though at the end of the day all he wanted was to be loved.

His death was one of the most difficult things for me to bear because I just wanted us to have a normal relationship.  I wanted him to be the man he would’ve been.  Because he was the way he was, I had to get a lot of the manly coding into my life from others, and I had to cultivate a lot of the manly virtues myself because he didn’t embody them or instill them into me as a young boy.

The journey has been difficult because in recent years, I find myself fighting some of of the tendencies I picked up from him that have manifested themselves unconsciously.

However, we all have to deal with this.  The only countermeasure that we have is to take ownership and write a better story for ourselves so we can learn to be successful.

My knee jerk reaction has been when faced with a failure was to judge myself and beat myself up over it.  Within the last 5 years I have learned to shut that voice up and get back to what I was doing and to do it more quickly.

While I have by no means perfected it I know I will get better at this.  I also believe that you can do this as well.

According to Michael Hyatt the best way to do this is to get some quiet time and listen for the voices of your negative story.  Just pick one issue.  It could be the failure to overreact to your children’s misbehavior.   Here his how you rewrite that story.

First, you write down the thought.

Then you write down at least three responses that can replace that old reaction.

After that, when you are in real time you proactively choose one of those responses to replace the old one.

You then do this as often as necessary until your subconscious gets the idea.  Even then it will take continual work.

Another method is to do this using meditation.  According to Dr. Covey, you visualize yourself in the old situation and experience it fully.  Then you replay it again using the correct responses.  Then when you find yourself in the real time situation, the new responses come more naturally.

You can even do this with the concept of resilience itself.

You truly are stronger than you think.

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