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April 7, 2012 / Dale Melchin

Personal (individual) leadership precedes Interpersonal Leadership

Covey is my inspiration for everything, ever.  Ok, maybe not that much.  Much of what he says, I say and put a different slant on it… but I digress.

In order to be effective in relationships and in life you have to be able to relate to yourself properly first.  I know this sounds counter-intuitive to every tradition there ever was ever, but its not.

As we’ve discussed previously, one has to be proactive.  Being proactive though implies a lot of different things, so in this blog I will expand upon that.

Being proactive means first and foremost believing for yourself that you are good enough and strong enough.  It means liking yourself.  You need to be able to stand or possibly even love and respect the person in the mirror.  I don’t mean this in a narcissistic way.  I mean this in a healthy fashion.  You have to believe in your own integrity and worth before other people will buy into it.  If you don’t, you need to cultivate faith in yourself.  If “reason” tells you otherwise, then you need to get to work on your integrity, this implies that you must make and keep small commitments to yourself and work on progressively larger ones until you trust yourself.

After the self-relating issues are addressed then you should get to work on your skill set and hopefully during that first step you were able to identify your skill set.

After you’ve IDed and developed your skill set you need to find effective ways to communicate that to others.  Communication is the most important skill in relating to other people.  I have learned and I am still learning that even if you say the correct thing, if you say it in the wrong way, people take it the wrong way.  Sometimes, if you say it the right way people still take it the wrong way, but at that point, it’s the other person’s issue.  You just need to continue communicating properly to them if you have to see them on a regular basis.

After you have learned to lead yourself then you can lead others.  That comes with a well developed communication skill set, regardless of personality type.

Even though I was able to communicate this process in a simplistic two step process, it takes a lot longer than it takes to read this post to do all of this.  But that’s the beauty of life.  Once you embrace the process you become better, and the results inevitably follow.


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