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March 8, 2012 / Dale Melchin

Morning Reflections

In my meditation this morning, I realized that while I do my best to be humane, I am not very compassionate.  Being that I am a person who for the most part has a particularly high level of happiness because I see all of the good things that bless my life, I have a short fuse when people bitch and moan about there problems.  I have a relatively low tolerance for individuals who live with a victim mentality regardless of how it came about.  My reasoning for that is two fold: 1) it is counterproductive to allow external circumstances to negatively affect one’s performance in life and 2) there is an expiration date on victimhood, and it is the date that the victim, by the grace of God chooses to set and then lives free.  I realize, there is a process to that, but many people just choose to live with their pain than experience liberation.

Here is what I mean.  I know at least one person personally who was legitimately victimized.  To this day, the person allows that conditioning in their life to hold them back and refuses the help and counsel of those who truly do care about them.  If we offer advice, or direction, they are quick to refuse it.  First I thought it was because they did not trust authority or family figures.  Now, I realize it is because that somehow being a victim works for them (Dr. Phil, Self Matters).  That person refuses to make their victimhood expire.  Now the other half of that equation which is more insidious is the fact that it is habit, and as we all know habits are tough to break and replace, and that requires work, work that the individual refuses to do, because someone how they’ve managed to disassociate work from profit.

There are others as well, for a while even I was one of them and I couldn’t stand myself until I started studying self-help literature, but I digress, except for the fact that I was very angry with myself and when I messed up I wouldn’t cut myself slack.  Which leads to my next point.

Now, I ask myself, is this cause for anger?  No.  While I will continue to advise this person or others when called upon to do so, I’m not going to actively combat this persons negativity unless it becomes a problem in the social setting that the whining is taking place in.  It is instead cause for compassion.

Compassion is a powerful weapon because it insulates the user from negative energy while allowing the other to remain as they are if they so choose, and it leaves the door of opportunity open to that person to change if they so desire.

So, the take away from this post is, if you are dealing with people in your life who are getting on your nerves, try to see why it is occurring, most of the time the person isn’t acting that way to deliberately and intentionally aggravate you.  It is because they don’t know how to change or they lack the faith in themselves to change and become productive.  Compassion is the best defense against stress when dealing with these people.

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